ONLINE PARENTING COACH: Aggressive Male Teens: Tips for ...

Your teenage son is becoming more and more aggressive toward you. He is quickly developing the habit of getting in your face and yelling when he doesn?t get his way. He has even threatened to hurt you if you don?t let him do what he wants. To make matters worse, he is taller and stronger than you, and you?re a single mother who gets no protection from your son?s father since he is rarely ? if ever ? around to intervene. What is a single mom to do?!

Aggressive male teens emotionally abuse their single mothers in an attempt to control them. Emotional abuse is considered domestic abuse, and it is just as harmful as physical abuse. Domestic abuse is defined as any instance when one family member begins to dominate the other member. Your aggressive son abuses you emotionally so he can get complete control over you ? your thoughts, beliefs and concept of yourself ? in order to be able to do what he wants, when he wants, and without any consequences.

Emotional abuse is often the prelude to physical abuse or domestic violence. If your teenage son threatens you with physical harm, don't take this as an idle threat. He won't play fair in his efforts to get his way. Listen to other family members, coworkers and friends when they express concern for you. Learn about the cycle of violence (i.e., a cycle your son follows as he continues to bring you ever more under his control).

Here are some tips for single moms who are dealing with a violent teenage son who can easily overpower his mother in the heat of the moment:

1. Break the silence on this issue. You need to let others know about the abuse. Talk to a female friend whom you trust and let her know what's been going on. If you have a healthy relationship with your ex-husband or his parents, tell them about your son?s abusive behavior.

2. Talk to a counselor. Make a plan for how you will communicate with this person. Ask him/her to only call you while your son is at school or out with friends ? or to wait for you to call, since your son may become more abusive if he finds out you're talking to someone. Depending on your situation, the counselor may recommend a formal "intervention" involving friends, family members, and perhaps even your pastor. During this meeting, this group of individuals will back you up as you confront your son about his abusive behavior. Tell him that you are not going to allow him to abuse you anymore, and insist that he get counseling for his anger problem immediately.

3. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE for information and referrals in every state, crisis intervention or safety planning.

4. File a protective order. Go to the court clerk's office in your town to file a request for a restraining order, requiring your son to stay a certain distance away from you.

5. If friends, relatives or co-workers tell you they suspect you're being abused by your own child, don't be afraid to admit it.

6. Make an escape plan in the event your son becomes violent (e.g., pushes, smacks, hits, throws things at you, etc.). Leave as soon as you're able, and call the police. At the first sign of rage, leave the house and go a prearranged place where you will be safe. That could be a friend's home or your parents? home. It's also a good idea to have some extra clothing and toiletries in the trunk of your car.

7. Realize that you're involved in a very disrespectful relationship and your child is abusing you. Even though he hasn?t used his hands against you (YET!), his words and put-downs are just as damaging.

8. Recognize you have the right to be safe in your daily life. If your teenage son threatens physical violence against you, start filing police reports so you create a paper trail and obtain a restraining order so law enforcement can help you. With a trusted friend, develop a safety plan so you can get away with as little disruption of your life as possible.

9. Your self-esteem may become affected due to the emotional battering you've been subjected to. You loved, provided for, and raised this child ? and now he is treating you like a junkyard dog. Locate a therapist so you can begin individual therapy and start the healing process. Look for a therapist or clinical social worker who specializes in working with victims of domestic abuse or violence.

10. Your son is able to control his behaviors. When someone interrupted one of his abusive episodes (e.g., his father, a teacher, a police officer), he switched from being abusive to being calm and charming. Talk to your therapist about this ability and observe this switch so you can gain new insight about your son, especially if you can't bring yourself to kick him out of the house.?

My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Source: http://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2012/11/aggressive-male-teens-tips-for-single.html

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