Speaking our Truth | Northern Lights

A few weeks ago I had written my blog post about my testimony of the Atonement and my experience in surrendering fantasies. ?When I had finished writing that post I felt an immense spirit and peace come over me that I had been seeking for a few days. ?I realized then that I cannot fully share my love and testimony of the Savior and his Atonement without also sharing my story. ?A still small impression came to me to share my testimony and story that upcoming fast and testimony meeting.

A week ago on Sunday, in fast and testimony meeting, I went to the pulpit and spoke, ?I?d like to share my testimony of the Atonement in my life. ?I do not know how I could fully share my testimony without also sharing the story of my struggles and trials in my life. ?When I was four years old, I was molested by my uncle. ?Growing up, we moved around quite a bit where it seemed like I was always saying good bye to my friends. ?My father worked so often, it was difficult for me to create a close relationship with him. ?When I entered high school all of my friends were interested in girls. ?I wondered why I didn?t and figured I would be a late bloomer. ?Over time, I came to understand that I experience what is called Same Sex Attraction??

Public speaking has never been a fear for me. ?It has always been a strength. ?I could speak to hundreds or thousands of people without a sweat. ?Yet, in my small singles ward I felt fear speaking in front of them.

I shared my struggles. ?I shared with them my love for the Savior. ?I expressed gratitude for being blessed with my trials. ?How could I give up something that has given me the close relationship I have with the Savior. ?I said that many guys like me just want a best friend. ?Although I have many precious men in my life who I call close friends, and one I will refer to as my best friend, the true best friend to me has and always will be my savior, Jesus Christ.

Many of the members thanked me for my testimony, expressed love for me, and commended me for my bravery. ?I felt fear for being labelled ?that guy? or being put on a?pedestal?by the ward members. ?What I have found has been acceptance and love from them.

Since then, I have heard of other brave pioneers who have also shared their journey with SSA in their wards and communities. ?My Bishop actually spoke with me and asked that I share my knowledge with him and teach him. ?He also shared his own struggles and it warmed my heart to know how vulnerable he was with me. ?It gives me so much joy to know that I am not alone in this and that the church has heard and will continue to hear our voices. ?This sensitive issue is difficult to understand and is very taboo to even talk about.

I think of when I was in denial because I felt there was no place to go for a young man with SSA who wanted to live the Gospel of Jesus Christ. ?I must have either lived the gay lifestyle and broken the covenants I made of chastity or live a quiet life of denial and secrecy. ?When I think of me at this time in my life I wonder how many faithful Latter-Day Saints are in the same boat I was in.

How can we reach out to these faithful LDS members? ?How can we help our ward leaders understand our struggles? ?How can we share the blessings of our journeys with SSA?

We must share our stories. ?We must speak our truth. ?Yes, this is scary. ?There is a lot at risk in doing this. ?We may fear being?ostracized or our family being ostracized. ?We may fear the opposite and fear being put on a pedestal and the pressure that comes from being judged as holy people having so much put upon us. ?I have feared being known as that guy with SSA when there is so much more to know about me.

Two scriptures come to mind when I think of sharing our stories. ?The first is D&C 60:2 which reads, ?But with some I am not well?pleased, for they will not open their mouths, but they hide the talent which I have given unto them, because of the fear of man.? ?I think it is important that we share our stories with not just other members of the church but even sons and daughters of God outside of the kingdom as well. ?We should not let the fear of man stop us from standing in the power of our Heavenly Father to share our faith.

The other scripture I have thought of is Matthew 7:6 which reads ?Give?not?that?which?is?holy?unto?the?dogs,?neither?cast?ye your?pearls?before?swine,?lest?they?trample?them?under?their?feet,and?turn?again?and?rend?you.? With such sacred gifts and stories we can share it is important to?acknowledge?their sacredness and to protect them. ?There are times, places, and persons where sharing our experiences would be inappropriate. ?To take such a step in openness like this can really hurt us as well.

Don?t be afraid to speak your truth. ?To do so is not always for the benefit of our brothers and sisters but for an opportunity for us to bear testimony unto ourselves and to remind ourselves of the love the Savior has for us. ?It is often to remind ourselves of our divine heritage of sons and daughters of God.

King George VI

There is a movie I really love called the King?s Speech. ?King George VI?s struggle with his speech impediment is similar to the experiences I?ve had with SSA. ?There is a scene in this movie when speech therapist Lionel Logue is speaking with Bertie, the-about-to-be-King-George-VI, while he get?s ready for his coronation as King. ?Lionel sits in St. Edward?s chair practically mocking the idea of there even being a King. ?Bertie is offended at the?sacrilege?and commands him to get out of the chair. ?Lionel doesn?t get up and continues to challenge Bertie as he continues to stutter.

King George VI: Listen to me. *Listen to me!*
Lionel Logue: Listen to you? By what right?
King George VI: By divine right if you must, I am your king.
Lionel Logue: No you?re not, you told me so yourself. You didn?t want it. Why should I waste my time listening?
King?George VI: Because I have a right to be heard. I HAVE A VOICE!
Lionel Logue: [pauses] Yes, you do.
[Longer pause]
Lionel Logue: You have such perseverance Bertie, you?re the bravest man I know.

In that moment of challenge to something so close to Bertie?s heart, he speaks loud and clearly, ?I HAVE A VOICE!? ?He doesn?t stammer. ?He speaks his truth. ?Lionel is awed by the beauty of growth he sees in his patient and friend. ?Bertie finds his confidence to lead his nation as King from stepping up to the challenge before him.

Brothers and sisters, I know that when we are challenged, when our voices need to be heard, God will give us the strength even if we feel we don?t have it. ?Why should we be afraid of man when we have our loving Father in Heaven supporting us as we faithfully use our voices? ?I?m so thankful for this gospel and for a voice that my Heavenly Father gives me.

Stephen Larsen was born in Maryland. He is the middle of 5 children. Early in life his family moved to Arizona, but Stephen's family moved back to Maryland in his mid-childhood. As he entered into his teenager years Stephen returned again to Arizona in yet another move with his family. Stephen finds his nomadic upbringing has created a unique life experience that, though challenging, ultimately has brought him close to his Savior and created unique strengths. Stephen served a full-time 2-year mission in the Washington Kennewick Mission in 2006. After his mission, Stephen faced both his childhood sexual abuse and same-sex attraction with with LDS Family Services. Stephen felt this was a great place to start but found the most healing in his experience with Journey Into Manhood in 2011 and some insightful articles he read on the Art of Manliness. Stephen is currently an Animation student residing in Provo. He is actively preparing himself for an eternal marriage to a daughter of God.

Source: http://northstarlds.org/blog/2012/11/speaking-our-truth/

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